7 Conversations Every Son Needs Before He Turns 18

SPEAKER_01 0:02

If your son had to leave the house tomorrow, what does he actually know? So these are seven conversations that I'm having with my son before he turns 18. So let's get into it. Conversation number one. Son, everybody who laughs with you isn't necessarily your friend. And everybody who's close to you, that doesn't mean that they really have your back. One of the most important things that we need to teach our sons is discernment, not distrust. Discernment is when you look at something and you go beneath the surface. Distrust is just you're not even giving a person a chance. I'm not saying that. I'm saying you've got to look beneath the surface. Look at the things that your friends do. You don't have enough for lunch money. Which friend will give you some? Your lunch isn't that good that your mom makes. Which friends will share with you? Which friends do you like to share with? Which friends can you tell things and they won't tell everybody else just what you said to them? Which friends won't leave you behind and go off and just leave you behind? Which friends will say, No man, I'm not leaving you, but I'm gonna stay with you. Or I'm gonna at least tell your parents where you're at. Which friends do that? You gotta look beneath the surface. So have discernment, not distrust. Some people love you and some people love having access to you. Some people really honestly love you, got love for you. And some people just like being around because you're funny, because uh you're the popular guy, because all the all the girls like you, because you're a great athlete, because what you can do for them. Some of your friends actually just like you. They like the nerdy side of you, they like when you make funny mistakes. Some people laugh with you and some people laugh at you. Which friend are they? Some people like your gross. No man wants you to be better than them. A friend wants you to be just as good as them. Someone who's not really your friend wants you to be whoever you were to them. Now, I'm not your butler or chauffeur or your sidekick. I'm your friend. So, if you got any friends like that, everybody's not your friend. Look around and have discernment for the people who celebrate your wins. And then look around when there's no wins, when things are dull, when times are bad. Who's there then? Were the same people around when you were winning, when things are bad now? Are they around now? And notice people who just come around when things are bad. Because I don't want you don't need friends like that either. Those people are weird. They come around when somebody passes or something goes bad in your life, or when something happens good, they're nowhere around. Watch out for those people too. Everybody is not your friend. Conversation number two. I hope you fail. I hope my son fails. But I hope that his failure doesn't make him think that he's a failure. Most young men and young ladies, these same conversations you can have with your daughter too. Now, with social media and everything everywhere, people are scared to do anything or put themselves out there because they're scared to fail. But let me let you in on a little something. Nobody's thinking about you. So go ahead and do your thing because everybody's concerned with themselves. The couple little seconds that somebody might think of you, you're gonna let that deter you from doing your thing? No, don't be afraid to fail. Failure isn't the same thing as being a failure. It's not the same thing. Failing at something is just information. Being a failure is something else. One of my biggest failures is going $118,000 into debt and have to file chapter 13 data. That's one of my biggest failures. But it was something that needed to happen to me to get that information and to change the way I was living. It had to happen. Failure is just information. I'm not a failure because I went $118,000 into debt. At least I know how much a lot of people don't even know and don't want to know. Failure is just information. That's all it is. You're not a failure just because something goes wrong. Just like as legendary basketball coach John Wooden said, you're not a failure until you start blaming. You're not a failure until you start pointing the figures at other people. That's when you're a failure. So of me going $118,000 in debt, I'm not a failure. Because I know it was my fault. It was no one else's fault. Yeah, at the beginning I tried to say this and that, but I had I had to do away with that. I had to do away with that. You're not a failure until you start pointing fingers, other people. And I know a lot of people do that. And if that's you, yeah, you're a failure. If you blame other people for what has happened to you, yeah, you're a failure. But just messing up at something, not succeeding at something, that doesn't make you a failure. Blaming other people do it. The third conversation: learn to lose. My son needs to know how it is to lose. You're not gonna be on top all the time, you're not gonna win all the time at anything, and you need to learn how to lose gracefully. And you need to get your son into something track, martial arts, basketball, baseball. I'm not really that high on football, but if that's your thing, football. Get him into something physical that he can see what it is to compete, to have resilience, to work as a team. I saw this video where this lady was saying that everybody's always asking their son about being an athlete and this and that, and boys can do something else for sports.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Black male children deserve more than sports. My son is 6'2, 20 plus size 14, shoot. Every man we see that knows him is immediately boy. You want a football field, boy? You want to be a sporty boy? You want to be able to do it? He doesn't like sports. He doesn't like sports. We tried him. We tried them. Maybe ask him what he's interested in. He likes science. He likes code. Maybe let's talk about engineering or some other careers or avenues. He loves being stop pushing scores on every black male child.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

But it's not about the sport, it's about the competition. Ma'am, if you think your son doesn't have to compete in this world, you got another thing coming. Especially being a black man. That's all you do is have to compete. Every day, every other race is looking at you and trying to put you on the bottom. And where do you learn how to compete? In sports, in competition. You don't learn that in science club, not to the level you learn in a physical sport. So you can take what you learn in that sport and apply it to real life. That's what it's all about. It's not about getting a scholarship or going pro. Everybody's not gonna do that. But it's about learning what the sports, what competing and working as a team and working with people and coming back, learning to lose, wanting to win. That's what it's about. That's the conversation that fathers, fathers need to have with their sons. Learning how to lose and then learning how to come back, and then learning how important it is to compete in something. It doesn't have to be the three big sports, it could be soccer, it could be swimming, it could be martial arts, it could be golf, it could be anything that you have to use your physical strengths, your physical abilities to improve and also to go against other people and compete. Conversation number four: respect yourself. Before you can demand respect from anybody else, you have to respect yourself. This goes beyond just grooming, but grooming is important, it's important, it's part of this. So it goes beyond just getting a haircut or wearing clean clothes, brushing your teeth, or carrying yourself in a presentable way. And it's not just about impressing girls or being on that, it's about respecting yourself. When you respect yourself, you want to be the best version of yourself. So you're gonna do all those things. But a son or daughter, they're not gonna know that unless you tell them that. Just like Dr. H said, you gotta walk the walk. If your son doesn't know anything about grooming himself, it's because you haven't taught him, and it's because you probably don't groom yourself well. I don't care how much social media or AI there is, the one-on-one personal connection is still gonna beat out anything else. So it's important to carry yourself, to groom yourself, to look the best you can. Not try to compete with other people, buying fancy clothes and doing all that. It's just about being the best version of yourself. And it's about taking care of yourself because you're worth taking care of. Nobody else does it. If nobody else cares, you care. And that's the number four conversation that you need to have. That's very, very important. Number five, listening to others. Listening to others and not just waiting to talk is so important. Just think about it. The last conversation you have, or conversations that you have with people. How many of your friends you can or people you can just tell they're not listening? They're just waiting to talk, they're just waiting for their turn to talk. And there are so many men that do that. If your son can learn how to listen, talking to people will be so much easier. People will actually want to talk to you because you listen. The people that don't, and nobody wants to talk to are the people who don't listen. Can the church say amen? Can I get a loud amen from the sanctuary today? Oh, yes, amen. Come on now, amen. The people who no one wants to talk to are the people who don't listen. And I know it's hard. It's so easy. If you do it when you're talking to anybody in the family, if you're talking to your wife, if you're talking to your in-laws, if you're talking to his sister or his brother, or you're when you're talking to him, if you actually listen, then you're walking the walk. You're not just talking the talk, you're walking the walk. He sees you like, man, this dad really listens. So I can't just tell him anything, or I can't just say anything, and he's not gonna put it, put two and two together. Listening to people and not just waiting to talk is the conversation that you really, really need to have with your son. Because the world doesn't revolve around him. Other people have other things that they want to say and should say, and that are more or just as important as what he has to say. And sometimes they're even what they're saying is is right, and what he's saying could be wrong. And he needs to learn how to listen and take that in and not just always want to talk. Know your land, but don't be helpless. My son doesn't need to know everything, and your son doesn't need to know everything, but he doesn't need to be helpless either. So he might not be the best cook. He can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he can make ramen noodles, he can make a sandwich, he can make macaroni and cheese, he can do things for himself. Now, if he wants fried chicken or meal, you ask your mom, you ask your sister. Know your lame, but don't be helpless. So many people, so many men, we think that we need to do, we we need to do everything. We need to know how to do everything. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I'm really you're not doing anything because no one's good at everything. Find the thing that you do the best and do that. And then the other things that you're not so good at, find somebody who's good at those things. Those are the people that become successful in life, in relationships. You don't begin a relationship with somebody who's just like you. No, you find somebody who is good at the things that you're not good at. And you are willing to admit that. I'm not really good at I'm good at making money, but as far as saving in and investing, I'm not that great at it. But I'm not helpless, I'm just not good at it. She's great at it. If it's your daughter, she's not really good with her hands, but you the guy you you're with, he's great with his hands. He can fix things around the house he can do. But you're really good at running the family business, the household, the bills, the money. Know your lane and then find someone else who's good at what you're not good at, but don't be helpless. Because being helpless is when you get took advantage of. And that's not what I'm suggesting. But when you're not good at something, then that's when you can recognize, no, I'm not really that good at this, but I know a little something about it, so I'm not helpless. The number seventh conversation, the most important one, learning to love learning, reading, listening, studying, improving yourself. Because if you do that, the other six come easy. The other six will come easy if you're always constantly trying to improve yourself. But here it goes again, dad. You gotta walk the walk too. When's the last time you picked up a book? When's the last time your kids seen you reading a book? Every day I go to work, I got a book bag. What's in that book bag? Books. When I got downtime and I can read, I read. That's what I do. Become addicted to learning. That's the one thing that the Most High gave us the ability to learn, the ability to have knowledge. That's why we are his favorite creation because we can learn. You have the ability to your dying day to keep learning, and that's what you need to have that conversation with your children, with your son or your daughter, is to keep learning. That's the drug that you need to get addicted to. I don't care what nobody else says, it's not about knowing more than other people. No, it's not about that. It's about learning, it's about learning, it's about doing research, it's about not knowing something and trying to see it from a different angle. I don't agree with everything that all different creators, different people who talk about parenting or politics or something. If it's something that I'm interested in, I might not agree with this person at all, but I want to hear what they have to say. Some people, I don't want to hear what that person has to say. That's a way you don't want to be. You always want to keep learning and see what's going on and what's out there. So, the number seven conversation is learn how to learn. If I could leave my son or your son with one thing from this entire video, it would be this learn how to learn. It doesn't matter where you are, what what your reading level is, you can get better. Just keep reading. Read the things that you're interested in. Because the like the old saying goes, if you want to keep something from a what? Put it in a book. And that's true. That's true. If you want to keep something from an ignorant person, put it in a book. When's the last time you, dad, picked up a book? Ask yourself that. Notice something. I never said Carter had to be rich or famous or the smartest person in the room. I never said any of that. Because the seven conversations isn't about what I want my son to have or your son to have. It's about what I want them to become. From us having these seven conversations with them. A man who knows who he wants in his life, a man who knows how to respect others, a man who knows how to listen to other people, a man who knows how to respect himself, a man who isn't scared to fail. And a man who's always trying to better himself. Because if you get that man right, everything else is easy. Those are the seven conversations that you need to have with your son before he turns 18. If you got anything from this video, please like, subscribe, go download the link to my free ebook, The Unbreakable Son. And if you need anything, I got you. That's what this channel is about. Having the conversations that nobody had with us, that we wish somebody would have had with us 20 years ago. But now we are able to have those conversations that nobody had with us, with our sons and our daughters, and I'm out of here. Peace.