Can People Tell You're Father Without You Saying it?

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Alright. Can people tell that you're a father without you saying it? Got my brother Speak Rock with me. And that's the question. So when you in public at work around other women, around other men, can people tell that you're a father without you saying it? And what does that mean? What exactly does that mean? So Speak Rock. You wanna, I don't know, if you wanna kinda briefly say how we came up with this and how this became the topic of this live today. Just real, just real quick. You don't gotta do too much, you know what I mean? But just just so we can get the conversation started.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

No, real talk. I had a situation at work, and the first person I thought about for this situation, you know, was you. You know, with your platform as far as, you know, you know, building better dads, you know, reach, you know, reaching out to men, communicating, saying, hey, look, these are the things that we need to improve upon to be, you know, not just only good for ourselves, but you know, for your offspring. So, you know. And again, I just feel like, you know, maybe this is just a little, you know, a conversation between us, but I'm glad that we're, you know, just talking about it live. There's a situation I was at work, and the bottom line is I'm just doing me, just working, just moving the way I move, figuratively and literally, right? Operating the way I operate, thinking the way I think, and you know, you know, I had a young person, a young female, they looked at me, and I'm gonna keep keeping it honest. I don't know how they meant this. I don't know how they meant it. It was like, it was like, yeah, you know, the young female, she was like, Yeah, he looked like a dad. I was like, I didn't think much of it, but because as soon as I could even try to think about it, the other, you know, my young associates that that I work with, they just popped out, especially this one, you know, young black male. He popped out and was like, duh, cause he is, you know. So he kind of energy before I I don't even think I was gonna say something, but before even if I thought about saying something, he he jumped in and was like, like, come on, like get a clue. Here's a dad. Like, like, like whatever you was thinking to the young lady, he was like, uh, it's quite obvious. So I was like, wow. So I was like, man, so what does this mean? So somebody either in what kind of fashion, however, they meant it, they could have meant it as a as a slight. They could have meant it as like, all right, look at this old dude. Or they could have genuinely meant like, hey, like, you might remind me of somebody, like you, you know, you you move in a certain way. Like, I don't know how they meant it. But then the thing that threw me off is the fact that another young person would step up. Because generally, when something is said in certain spaces, everybody's quiet, waiting to see what your response is, right? But the point is, somebody responded from me before I could even get a chance to respond. And the the response of the person seemed more favorable than the response. Like, I wasn't sure about what the statement was from the young lady, I wasn't sure what she really meant by it, right? But I was pretty sure what what the young man had to say, I'm pretty sure what he meant by what he said. So I just want to throw that out to you. Hey, shed some light on this, you know, because I believe there is a silver lining in that situation. I believe there's some meat that's on the bone for this platform as far as building better dads. So look, I'm I'm I'm just chopping it up with you. What you gotta what what do you think about this?

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I think it's uh interesting, I think it's a great subject, number one, because it when you when we first talked about it, then I started thinking about it like, man, man, like people say a lot of stuff like like that, you know what I mean? Like, I was thinking about how people say, this is kind of off, but how people say the Air Force One is a dad shoe, and I was like, I'm fine with that. I got a couple of pairs of Air Force ones, and I like them, and I'm gonna continue to wear them. So, how do you, other men, how do you feel about being a dad? How do you feel, how do you feel about being a dad, and then how do you carry yourself with that in mind? That's that's a that's a real question you need to ask yourself. That's a real I never I never asked myself because I just I'm a dad, and you know, but I never I never thought about it. I never really thought about it until you said that. And then you get all you you hear now. You remember all this stuff that you hear. You know what I mean? It's like like when you like when you buy a car, you never before you bought it, you never seen it, but now you got one and you see everybody else with one. You know, it's kind of like that. So I think us as men, we really need to we really need to think about how we carry ourselves as fathers. Because if you are a father, it really just like I had the conversation before with uh Dr. H, he was saying you gotta walk the walk. Can't just talk the talk. We gotta walk the walk. And for some of us, that walk might be too heavy, you know what I mean? Might be too long. We can't do it. We we or we don't wanna do it, you know what I'm saying? Or we don't want to do it. So it's it's and I I I rem I got this video. I'm not gonna show the whole video, but it it really it's gonna get us on, it's really gonna get us to to chopping it up because I always like to throw a curveball in there, and I want to play you this video right quick, speak rock, about this young man is talking about his father. Talking about his parents, but he's talking about his father, first of all.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

I feel guilty because I don't like my parents. I hate I in fact I would go as far as to say I damn near hate both of them extremely. My dad is just all he cares about is women, and and that's it, gang. That's actually it. I'm not gonna lie, I really think that's the only thing that nigga cares about is bitches. And I don't mean to like be disrespectful and just say, but that's like that's even the type of women he likes, just bitch at bitches, gang. Like, you don't want a wife, you don't want like a wife, gang? You don't want a wife? All you want is just to fuck these other niggas, bro. I'm not gonna lie, a lifetime of that is crazy because I fucked hoes. I already did all that. And I'm not gonna lie, maybe I have more to do. Sorry, maybe I have more hoes to fuck. I'm only 22. Maybe I have more hoes to fuck. But I'm at a point in my life right now where it's like I don't want to do that, gang. I actually do want a girl I can and realistically, maybe that's far-fetched, maybe that shit doesn't even exist. Maybe all the shit I'm seeing on the internet is real. I don't find that. But it's the fact that that's your mentality and that's only your mentality, game. Like, I just wanna fuck bitches, gang. That's it. You had a son that you didn't raise, that don't eat you up alive. That would eat me to fuck up alive. I'm gonna lie. And then my mom, she's just we're not even gonna get on the mother.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

We're just gonna stay on what he talks said about his dad. But how many of us know other men with children like his dad? I'll raise my hand. I know quite a few. I know quite a few. I know quite a few people like that. We're talking about so this young man is talking about how his father acts. How his father acts. All he cares about is smashing women. I'm not gonna say what he said, I'm just gonna say smashing having sex with other women, with a lot of women. That's what I said in the beginning. How do you carry yourself in public, at work, with other women, with your friends? How many of us got friends you can't take nowhere? You can't even do no business with them. If there's a woman involved, it's over. It's over. It's over. That's that's that's oh man, I'm gonna get hurt. Man, we here to do this. This is this is what we're talking about, fellas. You being a father, does that outweigh everything, or do you got other things that are more important? That's all I'm saying. Because they say being a father is your most important job. Is it?

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Can we can we still it? I'm sorry, man. The young boy was hilarious. He was killed, I he was speaking freely, saying what he felt he needed to say, just letting it, you know, just off the top of the dough, just saying whatever he felt. It it was hilarious. I just salute to him for getting it out. But in listening to him talk, I felt he was giving clarity to what it is I asked a question about. And again, I I've shared this with you before. I somewhat pride myself on not subscribing to what people think about me. I I I even go so far in my own mind to be like, man, ain't nobody paying me no attention. No one's paying me no attention. And I I the more I think about it, in some instances, that's true. Like, most people ain't pay they they going about their day to day. They ain't got time to be thinking about you. However, I and I must admit to myself, as much as I wanna, now they may not care about me. Just because they don't care about me doesn't mean they not watching me. So listening to what that young man was saying, he's obviously taking an assessment of his dad and his mom. And to some degree, the people I work with, they're taking some type of assessment of him.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

And now, and now, and again, the first thing I felt like I need to talk to Ramon about this because I don't want to admit to myself that somebody's actually paying me some attention. And I think that that was the thing with me. I did not want to admit, like, they watching me. Like, first of all, I'm working. Second of all, y'all got work to do. Let's just be honest. Like, you should be watching me, you should be doing whatever you're supposed to be doing, right? But that's not reality, right? No, the reality is, so this is the other reason why I want to talk to you. So let's unpack this. Just like that young man has so much to say, he took an assessment of his dad and he came up with some conclusions, spoke from the heart. The question for me, the question for you and the listening audience, as men that are fathers, if people know it or not, what are they as they're watching us? What are they thinking about us? And I gotta ask that question because the young man actually sparked that question in my mind just now. Because we can take the approach like me, like, man, I'm not worried about what people gotta say about me or what people think about me. But there comes a time where we might need to take inventory of what people think about us because those people are impressionable people, i.e., a young 22-year-old man, i.e., young people at your job. If we say they are future, we might need to be mindful about how we're carrying ourselves. So, Ramon, please help me unpack that and and and and and for somebody like me that's a hard head, that's that's still gonna, even after we get done with this conversation, I'm still gonna walk around like, hey, ain't nobody paying me no attention. I ain't worried about it, you know, you know, ain't nobody bothering me. I'm not bothering nobody. But please educate us on what it means to still have an awareness of who you are, what you are, and what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Man, I heard something, and I mean, I'm I'm you know, I'm 53 years old. I've probably heard this maybe last year, and it was like self-awareness isn't you knowing, isn't isn't you knowing you, self-awareness is knowing how other people see you, so it's knowing how other people see you, and really to add on to that, are you fine with that? Are you fine with that? So, going back to the to the young man who's talking about his dad, are you fine with that? Are you fine with that, dad? Are you fine with your own son? Because if your son can go that hard on you, just imagine what other people saying about you. Are you fine with that? You know, because I mean, I'm sure your your grandfather, my father speak right. They the old folks used to tell us, hey, everybody ain't gonna like you, so you can give that up thinking that's gonna happen. But are you fine? Are you self-aware enough to know how other people see you? And I think that's what happened to you at work. You kind of it kind of sometimes it you you you can't ignore it. You you we wanna ignore it and think, and ain't nobody thinking about me. We all do that, like I know it, and I I say I'm I when you told me what happened to you at work, I'm like, I feel you because I think the same way. Until you hear somebody say something about you or or to you, and you're like, like, wow, I didn't I didn't know that you know you you you felt that way. So that's the thing. That's what that's what we us as fathers, we need to understand. What happened to Speak Rock is just a mirror putting it to up to us all. Okay, you are a dad. This is the place. This is build better dads, this is a place for you. So what what how you carry yourself? Are you an asset to not only your children, which you we hope you are, but the other people, the young people around you, the other people that come in contact with you, the other, you know, or are you a detriment? Are you someone that you you you you're not given, you know, the example you you putting forth is no good. And only you you know that. You know, you you know that you can act like you don't know, but you know. So that's what I when you when you told me your story, I was like, man, I it's probably you know, it's it we're not we think nobody's thinking about us, but and it and it might not be like people, it might not be that people people might not like you. You know what I'm saying? People might not really like you, you know what I'm saying? But sometimes, I mean, I don't know, I'm sure you've you've been places worked places before, and and people they act like they don't like you, but then you'll hear somebody say, Man, he is a good worker. I don't, I don't, you know, we don't talk, but I can't lie, he he he he works, you know what I'm saying? Hey, so yeah, it's is think about it, Dads. Think about it. Think we need to start thinking about it. We you really need to start thinking about it. Because, man, it's it I just want to say this, and we, you know what I'm saying? I want you to chop it up, you know, say what you know. Um, I don't know if this really, but this is something like my kid, like kids today, my kids, the younger ones, 10 and 6, they have no problem with saying, they have no problem with saying I love you. They say it all the time. Bye dad, I love you. Bye dad, I love you, love you, love you. I'm like, wow. My daughter, she says it so much, I'm like, man, do you really love me that much? Like, because we not, I'm not from that era, you know what I mean? Like, I they probably said it more to me than I've ever heard in my life, but it's kind of goes back to what this whole thing is about. That's how they see, you know what I'm saying? That's how they see me. No, I'm not perfect, I'm not saying that. And they will tell me, my six-year-old, they will tell me. She told me I was boring, they will tell me that you, but they're gonna tell you the truth. They they do love you, but they're gonna tell you the truth too, you know. So we really, really need to think about just wake up to the fact of how people see us, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, we we really need that what you your story, and then just me just thinking about like man, these kids have no problem with saying it. And it's like I almost wanna, I do need to do this, and I said I was gonna do this, Pete Rock. I do need to tell, I do need to tell them. I know I don't say it back to you all the time because it's just kind of uncomfortable for me. You know what I mean? Like, I I've never said that, you know what I'm saying? No one's ever said that to me so much, but I gotta get over that. I gotta get over that because I don't because I don't want them to stop saying it to me. You feel me? Yeah, so yeah, yeah, it's it's that it really your story kind of brung that out of me. I was saying it to myself, but hearing what you said, like, ugh, yeah, that kind of it brought that, it brought that out of me.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

That's good though. That that's good because I believe what what because what we're talking about is, and again, in the beginning, I was probably conf I ain't gonna say confused, but I was just I was just caught off guard because I've I I I wasn't expecting the young lady to say anything to me or even about me. Like, here's something that's interesting. Like, in the past year or two, maybe two years, two, maybe even three years, through pop culture and social media, the the the term, the colloquialism in the in the black community, especially, has become like a social thing and it that is widely spread because of social media. Now, if you you you in a black community, you come up like that's that's commonplace, like unk. Like we like we just use that, you know, for your uncles or whatever. But the the you know, the the terminology, you know, big bro, unk, you know, OG, like there's these classifications now. And a lot of times the the term unk is being thrown on anybody that's like, if you like over 28 folk hit me with the unk. Right, you know, because if you turn you talking to some 15-year-olds and you 28, yeah, so you know, I just think it's been loose, and not only that, social media is has really distorted the term unk for me. I I'm like, because the only time they want to use the ver the words unk is if you see, especially in the black community, because I don't see too many other races walking around talking about some unk. But if they're referring to a black man as unk, it's because he either doing something silly, he's not acting as okay. I don't want to say it. Yeah, but uh because that's so subjective, right? Acting your age. Like, there's there's too many weird, like, like for instance, like I wear J's a lot. They're like, uh, you know, like ain't acting as H. Like first of all, I don't even like getting in those conversations because I'm like, I don't even know how to entertain that. So yeah, I've been buying these for a minute, I got the money, I buy what I want to, but I don't even know how we entertain. So my whole point is they throw unk on all sorts of things, but especially when black folk are, you know, black men are doing some of the most outlandish things. And I'm like, yeah, I I never been too cool on just any rando calling me unk. Because I'm like, Where you where you going with that? So when the young lady said, oh, you look like a dad, first thing in my mind was like, I don't know where she's going with this, you know. Like, are you saying that is that your version of Unk? Because again, she was a white young lady, so I don't know. She might, in her head, could have been like, this old dude, like, da da da. But maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But when I the young black dude automatically snapped in, it was like, well, because he is a dad. So again, there was a lot to be aware of there for myself. And to tie that back into what you were saying with you and your children, man, I salute you, man, for even uh analyzing your home situation like that to say, hey, look, my kids, this is my home, these are my children. Hey, they they all about saying I love you. Hey, matter of fact, the past is the past for me. Whatever I came up in, this is what I got now. So if I'm gonna continue to build and be a better dad, as you say, right? Guess what? I gotta explore, tear down these walls, get past myself, and continue to foster this care and love and respect. So your your children are paying you like the ultimate respect. Right. And and and and on the flip side, that young lady, that's probably what she was doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I can't, because you know what I'm very conscious of, and and I'm and and I'm gonna turn it over to you in a minute. I am very conscious, because again, I'm one of the older, I'm like the second oldest person where I work. And I'm very mindful of that. Very extremely mindful. Because one, you know, I'm not about foolishness, I'm not about because I always feel whatever I do represents black people, black men. It just does. Because I swear to God, I got I matter of fact, I'm gonna hit you with a running joke. Every every man that's in between five foot six and five foot five foot nine, and if he brown skinned, everybody be like, Oh, I saw you. I'm like, no, you didn't see me. I don't know where you saw me at. Like, no, I did. I saw a dude, he was about your height, he was brown skinned. Like, that don't mean like I don't I don't know why people, so that lets me know people when they see other people, probably one of the first people they think of is me. They probably like, oh you you look just like somebody I know. Like, okay, okay, okay. I'm yeah, whatever. So my point is I'm very mindful of my in in in in the Christian communities, we say we're mindful of our witness. How can you witness to God, witness to people about God and the love of Jesus, but your actions aren't reflective of what God or Jesus would do. Right you know, one thing I don't want to be at work or anywhere. I don't want to be misconstrued or considered to be, you know, creepy, pervert, you know, just ill mannered, you know, just mean and cruel and just nasty and all. These things I don't want to be thought of as those things. So when I move, when I'm at work, I'm maybe I am being dad. I'm I'm like straight to it. I'm just doing what I gotta do. I ch I chop it up here and there every a little bit, but I ain't full of the conversations with a lot of people, unless you know it just depends. Right. But I'm always moving forward and I'm focused. I'm not in other people's conversations. So maybe I am moving with some damn energy. So that that's important to me that my witness and my character is at a high level. So people, I guess when they do open their mouth up about me, they can say stuff like, Well, you know, he is an older gentleman, he he is a father, you know, he that's a grown adult man right there. So I don't know, I you know, as much as I didn't want to admit like I'm being observed, I mean, to your point, man, what can I do about it? Or what can we do about it?

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Yeah, well and I think what you said is true. She was, I think what she was being respectful when she, you know, it was it was a way of her, I believe it was a way of her being risk, you know, being respectful. But kind of talking about the young, you know, the the boy that I showed the video of his definition or what he sees as a father is not good. It's not a good, you know, it's not a good example. So that's what's important if you are a father. First you gotta be taking care of business at home with your own kids. And then it'll just it's gonna be natural what you do out in public, you know, unless you it's gonna be natural for you just to go out in public and be the same way. I'm I'm the same, you know, I'm the same way with you. Speak rock, I I go to work, I work. I tell myself, I'm not here to make friends. I'm I'm really not. You know what I mean? I'm they're paying me to do a job. Now, the people that I'm cool with, I'm cool with. They'll say, hey man, Ramon, cool as hell, man. You know what I'm saying? But if we don't talk, we don't talk. I'm not gonna lose no sleep about it, and I hope you don't either. But I am, like you said, I am going to be, I'm about business. I'm up, you know what I'm saying? I'm about business. I'm not, like you said, I don't want to, I'm not mean. I'm not, I don't want to be creepy, I'm not saying stuff to women that work, you know, that I shouldn't be saying. I'm just, you know, I'm representing myself and my family. I think that's what it's all about. Are you, are you, that's are you doing that? That's all you can do. That's all, that's all anyone can ask of you to represent yourself the best way, the best version of yourself. In that way, you're gonna represent your family, you know. Just like I'm sure when you work places and they have like the family day and you bring your family, and then when people see your family, you know what I mean? Like, I could man, you know, he's got a really nice family, you know, or some people you see, you'd be like, whoa, I could see I could before you I could see because that's your family. Okay, I see, I see, I see. That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Or Cass could be like, like, dang, bruh, you act like you ain't got no family. Like you up in this, you up in here walling.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Yeah, that too. That too.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

That too. You you got wife and kids?

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Like, yeah, like wow, yeah, like yeah, that that's what we and we ain't saying you got a wife and kids just because you ain't talked about them. Like right, you act like you ain't like that's what that's what we're talking about. Yeah, yeah. How are you how are you presenting yourself in public at work around other women with other men? What are people saying about you? That's what I said. Having self-awareness ain't about what you think about you, it's do you know what other people think about you? And it's not it's not that you you care, is are you fine with that? Are you fine with that? If you like just like the brother that speaks the person that speaks rock was talking about, that don't nobody you you you around here trying to hit all the women, you hitting on all the women, don't nobody even know you got a wife. If are you fine with that?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Yeah, and the thing is again, I'm I'm so glad I was able to reach out to you and be part of this platform to speak to you about it. I mean, look, I'm old enough to where I could have used common sense. I I got that. But guess what? Common sense ain't common to everybody, and good, helpful information and dialogue on a platform such as this doesn't just benefit me, it benefits everybody. So, because again, I'm bro, I'm stubborn at times. Cause I still, even still right now, I'm still like, man, I don't care. I mean, a part of me is like, I don't care what they think about me, I don't care if they think I'm a dad, I don't care if they think I don't care what they think, because I'm gonna do me. But again, I have to humble myself because when that young man said quickly, as soon as she said what she said, he quickly was like, duh, because he is. What does that say to me? I somehow communicated with him, related with him, where he retained information that I'm actually a father. And I don't even know if he knew he was gonna say what he was gonna say. He without thought spit it out to say I like in other words, I don't know what his intent was, but it was like I I'll speak for you because he is like so that that so what does that tell me? That has to humble me to make me be like, continue to be mindful of who you are and what it is that you do. Because this experience just showed you two types of people gonna be talking about you somebody possibly questioning who and what you are, and somebody possibly defending who and what you are. So bruh, I I I I'm just I ain't gonna lie, I'm still stubborn, but I I I I gotta I gotta I can't be the only one. I know I ain't the only dude who just even you said it, you like, hey look, I come to work, you know, I chop it up. If I chop it up with you, great, you know, but all of us gotta be mindful to some degree.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah, it's it's and that's why, man, that's why this Feel Better Dads for me is here because I needed these type of conversations. Yeah, like, yeah, you got common sense and you can, but it's good to hear this kind of stuff from other people, to have somebody else to talk to and say, yeah, this happened, and I don't really know how to think of what to think about, you know, how to think about it. You know, and I'm sure there are other men once they, you know, see this video, watch this video, be like, yeah, something kind of like that happened to me at work or at school when somebody, you know, said something, and I was like, I don't know, I don't know how to think of it. I don't know what to think about. I know it's something that happened to me one recently. I was somewhere in a I was at like this kind of reunion for people I went to school with, and uh, we was chopping up about something, and then one of the girls was like, they was having like this barbecue, like this, like this cookout, barbecue cookout, and you know, one of the popular guys was by, you know, he was barbecuing, he, you know, he got his barbecue was fire, you know what I'm saying? There was another guy, his stuff was good too, but it was like the popular guy, you know, he was gonna win, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, man, you know, let's throw some votes in for the other dude. You know what I'm saying? Don't be like this stuff was good, but you're gonna vote for him just because he, the other cat was more popular. So I said, you know, after it was over, I was like, Yeah, you know, I I voted for the other dude, just you know, so it wouldn't be like that. And then she was like, Yeah, you was always different anyway. And at the time, I'm like, what does that mean? But then once I thought about it, I was like, Yeah, I was I I do try to be different, you know what I'm saying? I do try to, I do try to be different, you know what I'm saying? That that I am different. I'm not gonna, I don't just do what everybody else do. Just if I do it, I'm doing it because I want to do it. I'm not doing it because, or if I if I catch myself doing something even when I was younger, like, man, that's just something like I don't I would catch myself and be like, I don't want to deal with the consequences. Yeah, that's the thing that people need to think about. You can make everybody can make choices. Choices is cool, but don't make a choice without thinking about the consequences, you know. That's if you got a you know, fathers, sons, daughters, yeah, it's cool. You got you can make whatever choice you want to make. Speak rock could have, you know, you can make the choice of not wanting to realize or have self-awareness about who you are and how you affect other people. What's the consequences of that? You wanna be like the dude whose son is on here shitting on him? You wanna be like him? Because he don't care. He didn't think about the consequences of chasing women. He don't he don't care, he ain't think about that. Or you gonna or you gonna be mindful of what you do, and so your son ain't on the internet dragging you on the internet. It's you know what I mean. I took my father, I took my father to do his runs yesterday. He's he's he'll be 90 years old next next month. Took him to the barber shop, took him to the bank, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Make his run. And I thought to myself, I'm like, man, you must have done good, man, because you got a daughter who takes care of you. He told me when he was when I was younger, he's like, Man, don't put me in no nursing home. You know, you know when your your father, your grandfather, when they say something to you, you know when it's real. You know, you you in that car y'all driving, and he tell you they don't put you like, don't put me in no nursing home. So he's not in one. And anytime I can do anything for him, I'm you know, I drop, I won't get sleep, I do whatever I gotta do for him. But that's a man who put in the work, so now his children do anything for him. But I thought to myself, it's some of y'all out there who are running the risk of growing old where your kids will not do a damn thing for you. That's scary, man. That's scary, that's scary. You better, so yeah, start thinking about how you affect other people. So somebody might want to do something for you when you can't do it for yourself. Yeah, you better, you bet you bet because we I don't care if you 35, 45, 50, you ever we all hopefully we all gonna get older. So it it it's really important that we do, we are mindful of the people of what we do, of what we do, you know. You don't know what kind of effect you have on other people. We don't know. We you really don't know, but I would rather have a positive effect on people than a negative. I really, you know, I really I I really would. As you get older, yeah, when you younger, you like, I man, I don't give a I don't give a F about nothing, man. All this, but as you get older, you lie. Stop you you you care about something, you know? You care, you care, you you care about something unless you we all care about something. We all care about how people, how people view us. You might not like me, but what you're not gonna say is I'm this or I'm that. You know? Some people just not gonna like you because they don't like you. But you're not gonna say, you can't say, I'm not a good, I'm not a good father.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Here's something else. Everything you said, man, was just just just spot on. It it definitely food for thought, reflection, you know, doing a self-assessment. That's what the biggest thing I got out of what you said. Like, you know, you know, what is your character, you know, you know, what is you know, what is your value? What do you bring, you know? People talk always talking about bringing something to the table. What do you bring to the table in re in in reference to yourself? So, but I I gotta say this before before we end it. Another reason why I and I gotta say I have to be transparent. I don't know if it's my upbringing. I don't know if it's because I'm from Detroit, Michigan. I I I I don't I I don't know what it is about me, my personality. I I I there's a part of me I do my best to live in reality. And I do my best to try to understand what is important, not just only to myself, to other people. Because it it lets me know how to how I need to move with people, how I need to interact. Because if something's not important to you, I can't expect a certain behavior out of you. Or I can't expect a certain behavior out of you. If something's not important, if something isn't even on your radar of importance, like I can't hold you to a certain standard. So with that being said, the thing I'm being transparent about is just me as a black man, me as a father. So when I'm around people, co-workers or what have you, I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know. I don't know until I'm shown if who I am, the essence of me, I don't know if that's important to you. So I I I think I had to throw that in there just to kind of give a snapshot of my thought process. Like, so when she said what she said, then when the young man said what he said about me, and for those who tapping in later or they're gonna watch this, they didn't catch what we're talking about. A young lady made mention, said, you know, while at work, while I'm doing my job, she's like, hey, you look like a you look like a dad. Then before I can even have a retort, a young man stepped in, for whatever reason said, Well, that's because he is a dad. So what I'm saying is I have to be transparent about my thought process. I was I was not of the mindset of thinking that me being a dad was important to them at all. Like, even to speak on it, even to, even just to be lighthearted, like, why is that important to you if I am or if I'm not? So my thinking, because a lot of times with my interaction with a lot of young people, I'm just gotta be honest, it don't look good a lot of times. Like, so the young man that we saw earlier in the video, I'm not saying to that extent of just going off on your dad, you know, using colorful words and kind of pretty much putting your dad on blast telling this business. I ain't saying it's going to that extent, but I meet a lot of young people, teens, 20s, that's not that happy with their parental situation. And I'm kind of like, man, if they ain't too happy with what they got at the house or the lack thereof, what are they gonna think about me? Like, I so you know, I don't know. Maybe people can understand where I'm coming from. And I I hold nothing against these young people because they're going through a lot. And that young brother that was on the video, man, I pray to God he link up with some somebody. I don't know, bro. Maybe, maybe he left his social media link or something, his social media handle. Maybe you can send him like one of your videos, like something. Maybe do get connect, cuz sounds like he needs to link up with somebody to get what he's what he says he's not getting. So that way, because he said he wants to be better and do better. So hopefully he can link up. So I think it's real on both ends. Young people are missing something in reference to relationships with dads, fathers, and some dads and some fathers are not, and you you put it perfectly just a little while ago with with with your situation, nothing super major. It wasn't like that, you know, the your world was falling apart, but you took a microscope and you highlighted an aspect of your life and said, you know what, I'm gonna do better in that situation. And and and I I think that was huge. That was huge of you, and I think that's it's huge for anybody who's gonna listen to this whole segment we just did. They're gonna take something away from that and and and prayerfully everybody will be better because of it.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

I couldn't have said it any better. I think that's what I learned from all this is that just being self-aware of what others think at home first, and then, you know, like I said, at work, in public, with other women, with other men. Yeah, I'm not saying you gotta care. You you shouldn't care so much about what other people because some people just not gonna like you. You know what I mean? There's nothing you can do about that. But like I said, are you fine with what the your image that you're putting out there? Are you fine with it? You know, because like Speak Rock said earlier, being a dad is, you know, depending on your algorithm, on your TikTok or whatever, it could be thumbs up or thumbs down. Yeah you could be, you know what I mean? You could hear a whole lot of positive stuff or you could hear a whole bunch of negative stuff. So it's really it's it's I'm not a woman. I'm not saying it's not tough for you guys, but I know it is not no party for us because I could feel, I could feel you like you like, well, what what does she mean by I'm you know, I'm a dad, you know what I mean? What what does she mean? But I think by really thinking about it, she was, you know, giving some she was giving you some respect. But depending on the young the young person you speak it to, like you said, it could be good or bad. So yeah, that was this conversation. Can people tell that you're a dad? And if they can, what are they saying? What is it saying? What does it mean? What does it mean to you, first of all? To you, that's the one thing. What does it what does it mean to you? If you didn't think or know that you're a good father, speak rock, that could have really got twisted up. You could have really got, you know what I mean? That could have really got ugly. Like what you took, you know, you know what I'm saying? You know?

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Well, well, let's be clear. I actually it wouldn't have, because I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest. Like, honestly, I wouldn't have had no reply for, like, I think, I think the only thing I did say when the young man was like, because he is, I echoed the same thing the young man said. I said, Yeah, because I am. But if the young man wouldn't have said anything, I I wouldn't have said anything. I would have kept doing what I was doing, and I just would have left a comment as she said, she voiced what she had to say. Because I I believe part of being not just only a father, but being a a you know, a mature man, you know, you know, you you you learn to, you know, manage your responses. Everything that's said doesn't require a response. You get what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what so and and truth be told, I'm just another piece of transparency. If it wasn't for this platform, I probably never ever talked about this that that that ever again.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

So I'm saying to you, this is this is why your platform is so important. Because, like, I you know, I knew one thing I did know at that moment when she said what she said, the first thing I thought about was you and your platform. How can this be better for everybody? While I'm sitting here trying to figure out what's going on, how is this good for the how how does this work for the greater good for the whole? So, yeah, man. So, yeah, truth be told, me with me with my personality, I'm the kind of dude like, yeah, whatever. I I heard you, but it requires no response. It requires no response.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

Right. Yeah, true, true, true. Yeah, yeah, I agree, yeah. But yeah, for for dads who not that self-aware, I think I think that hearing this conversation is good for us, you know. It's good for them who someone who like the the kid, you know. I just thought about that. Like, sometimes we get a bad rap Gen X father. Some, but sometimes we deserve it.

SPEAKER_02 42:03

We out of pocket. That's a whole nother conversation for another day. We we we are I love our generation. I love us. I think we we are all of that, but we we are some we gotta be honest. We are we all of us need therapy. Yeah, if you are a Gen Xer, I'm sorry. You need a pastor, you need a you you you you need a therapist. Like, we went through so much. We went through a lot. Latch key kids, you know, crack epidemic, yeah, you know, welfare system. Like, like, even if you didn't come up exactly in those environments, it was around you. I don't care if you lived in the suburbs, your parents knew not to let you get too far on the other side of town. Because it's it's right on the other side of town. And and and you know, one-parent households and all that kind of stuff. We we're almost the blueprint for that thing. If if you think about it, before Gen X, one parent households wasn't a big thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

For sure. No, yeah, yeah. You man, I yeah, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

So bruh, we got issues, yeah. But we're still strong. We're still we are some strong, powerful, resilient. We are a strong, powerful, resilient generation. Like we we've endured some stuff.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

And and what and we and I'm we're gonna end, I'm gonna end it like this, because like you said, that's a whole nother, that's a that's another that's a whole nother lie we can get into. But yeah, just because we I heard someone else say this, just because we went through what we went through, we gotta stop acting like the millennials or the Gen Z aren't going through whatever they're going through. For sure. You know, we gotta stop doing, we gotta stop telling them about we gotta stop dame dashing and telling them about when how we used to hustle on the block. This nobody cares. These kids don't care.

SPEAKER_02 43:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

So that was this live from Bill Better Dads with my special guest, my go to partner, Speak Rock. Man, it was great to have this conversation. Yo, and we out. Peace.