I asked 77 Dads What Their Father Never Taught Them?

I asked 77 fathers one question. They all wanted the same thing. They all say the same thing. I thought I was gonna read 77 completely different comments from fathers all across the country. Instead, I discovered something honestly that caught me off guard. Because after reading every single comment, I realized that all the fathers were trying to solve the exact same problem. They all just described it in different ways. Some talked about money, some talked about faith, some talked about emotions, some talked about discipline, some talked about patience. And one father simply wrote literally everything. And another father said, I never got a chance to know my dad. Before I was old enough to reach out, he was murdered. That's when I realized this wasn't just another Facebook post. It was a room full of fathers trying to make sure that their sons didn't have to carry the same things they did. And I think every dad needs to hear what I found. Dads, if your son became the exact same man that you're preparing him to be today, would you be proud? Not because he makes six figures, not because he bought a big house. It's because of the man he became. Because one day your protection ends, but your preparation doesn't. And that's what all these fathers reminded me. When I made this post, I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't figure that I would see what I saw. I expected men from everywhere to have all these different issues. You got different races, you got different political beliefs and different religions and different countries. But instead, every answer pointed to one thing: fear. Fear of their sons not being ready to be men. Nobody actually wrote those words that I'm afraid, but just reading it, you could get, I could get that from it. Let me give you some examples. One father said you can't protect him forever. Another father said, preparing him for the real world. I can remember last summer we signed Cutter for summer school. And of course, it's summer school, no kid likes it, no kid's crazy about it, but he was like, okay, cool. Because maybe he thought some of his friends were gonna go and it was just gonna be like an extension of school. Well, well, he found out that it wasn't gonna be. And when he found out, of course, he didn't like it and he started crying. And he was upset he didn't want to go in, it's gonna be different, and all this and that. And I could have been like, Well, you don't want to go, you don't have to go, it's summer school, all this. No, I told him, look, you might not know anybody in there, but you can meet new friends. This might not be the teacher that you're accustomed to, but this teacher might be cool too. So, what did he do? He went in class and tears in his eyes and everything. He went in. Did he love it? No, but he didn't hate it either. You can't protect them forever, just like the dad said. And you have to get them ready for the real world because you're gonna go to a new job, you're gonna go to a new school, you're gonna meet new people, you're gonna go places that you're not familiar with. You might go out of town and not know nobody, you might move to a new city and not know nobody. What are you gonna do? Start crying? No, you're gonna, he's gonna be ready to deal with it. He's gonna have those experiences and be like, oh, I got through that, I can get through this. Let me give you another example. This comes from a real comment. Coming from Nick wrote this comment. I wish somebody had taught me how to talk about problems instead of bottling them up. Another real comment from Aaron. I can build any engine, but I can't pay my taxes. His dad never taught him about money, his dad never taught him about taxes, mine's never taught me about taxes either. That's why I was got a hundred and eighteen thousand dollars worth of debt. Because part of it was taxes. But this is this is why I teach my son, this is why I talk about money here, because I don't want either of my sons or my daughters to to go through what I'm currently going through because I didn't understand about money and taxes and how it can affect you and filing for bankruptcy and all the things you have to go through. Here's another comment from Andrew. He said, basic car mechanics. That's a big one. Changing the flat, changing your oil, or just knowing to get your oil changed, knowing what type of gas to put in your car, knowing if you hear something with your car, not to just ignore it. No, you need to get it fixed. Basic mechanics about your how many how many dads out there fathers never taught them about cars, or daughters either. That your father, you know. I seen something somewhere where this one girl, she said she was in college and she know she noticed that her roommate never was going nowhere. So she's like, Well, why are you never going anywhere? She was like, Because my car doesn't have any gas in it. She was like, What? Your car don't have no gas in it. She was like, No. Her father never taught her how to put gas in her car. He did it all the time. Need I don't need to say no. Joe says, a comment from Joe, he says, financial intelligence. Man, not teaching your kids about money is neglect. It's just is is not abuse, but it's neglect because they you have to know about money. You have to know about the the issues and the problems you'll have if you're not good with money. Why do you think most people don't come to their financial peak of intelligence until they mid-50s? Why? Because their parents never told them nothing about it. You could literally cut that in half if you talk to your children about money. Here's another example. Here's another comment. Marcus wrote patience. You have to have patience, and you need to teach your children patience because they need to know this thing that's called deferred gratification. That you're not gonna get everything as soon as you want it. It might take weeks, it might take months, it might take years. You're not gonna get that overnight, and you have to instill that in them. Patience. The things that matter can't always be fixed in either. They need to know that. That's not that's a weight you don't want them to carry too. Your computer's fast, your phone, you get information fast. That don't mean in the real world, things are gonna get fixed that fast. A lot of fathers didn't wish that they learned one more lesson. A lot of them just wish they had more conversations. That's what I can salute to my father. That's what I remember. The conversations that we had. A lot of times, I'm gonna throw my wife under the bus. She, you know, oh, you don't you don't spend enough time with the kids. I'm like, don't tell me about spending time with them because being a recreational father doesn't mean anything. Do you talk to your children? That's what they're gonna remember. The conversations. This Facebook post is proof of that. Nobody's saying, Oh, he didn't take me anywhere, he didn't take me to have fun. They're talking about the things that their fathers never talked to them about, the things that their fathers never did for them. They're not talking about going to Disneyland, they're not talking about going on trips, and they're not talking about that. They're talking about not telling me about money, not showing me how to fix a tire, not talking to me about girls, not having talking to me about patience. That's the things that matter. About halfway through reading all these comments, I realized something. None of these fathers were really talking about money, patience, mechanics, emotions. They were all answering one question. How do I make sure my son starts further ahead than I did? That's what Build Better Dads is all about. It's not pretending that we figured fatherhood all out. But it's not letting our sons pay for the mistakes that we've already learned and figured out. My father gave me everything he could, and I'm grateful for that. But now it's my responsibility to give my son everything he couldn't give me. Not because he failed me, because every generation has the responsibility and the opportunity to leave the next generation just a little bit better than before. A friend messaged me after reading these comments, and he said, You'll never be completely prepared because every child is different. And I think he's right. You'll never be the perfect father. But I think and I know we can be more intentional fathers. And maybe that's enough because that's how generations change. Every generation being more intentional, giving what they didn't learn, and making sure what they did learn, and then adding what they didn't learn to the next generation. Now I want to ask you a question. The same question that I asked all those fathers. What's the one lesson that you had to learn the hard way? Because, like they said, there's bought knowledge and there's taught knowledge. Which lessons did you have to buy with your experience? Take a few minutes, read what the other fathers wrote, be honest, write what you had to learn. What you had to learn with your own experience. That's what we're here for. To have the conversations that no one had with us, that we wish we would have had 20 years ago. That's what this podcast is for. If you need it, I got you. And I'm out of here. Peace.