Jails Are Full Of People Who Were Only Talked To

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Jails and prisons are full of people who just got spoken to. That's what you get when you try to be your kid's friend. If your mother and father can't chastise you, how in the world are you gonna grow up believing that anybody else can?

SPEAKER_03 0:12

You can be friends with your kids. It's up to you. When they're a child or when they're an adult. Can't be both. They didn't want to be your friend anyway. The world will. And the world don't, it don't care. It's gonna put their foot on your neck and make you surrender. Is that what you is that what you want for your child? Can spanking your child today cost you the relationship that you want to have with them in the future? This is Feel Better Dads. I am your host, Ramon Weatherall. Once again, I got my go-to partner, Speak Rock, here talking about spanking, but we're doing it in a little different way because we're gonna reference to a video.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Don't spank your kids.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Why not?

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Because that shows that you're a poor communicator. They're a baby. Yeah. Why can't you talk to a baby? Every time you spank your kid, you're taking your potential best friend and you're making them your worst enemy. You're hurting. Wow. You're hurting your potential best friend. And I know you're trying to teach them, but they don't need to learn that way. There's other ways to teach them. And they'll never forget those spankings. And there'll always be a part of them that resents you for that. And it'll take a lot of prayer and a lot to get over that. So just don't do that to them. So challenge yourself to be a better communicator.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

That was the video. That was the video right there. So my first question to you, SpeakRa, is do you feel that spanking your child will cost you your relationship with them in the future?

SPEAKER_00 1:39

I believe spankings are purposeful. I believe they done properly, they don't lead to what Marlon was saying. They don't lead to possibly neglecting your child being close to you as if they would be if they didn't get a spanking. If anything is done in excess and it's done in a manner in which it's demonstrative and it's destructive in nature, yeah, you you can you can spoil, you can, you can devour, and you can dismantle any relationship if you do anything in a manner that is not done in love. See, and that's what Marlon didn't add to his conversation. He didn't speak on if something's done in love or not or not. So being that we're putting emphasis and we're putting context to this matter, guess what? I see where you're coming from. And maybe I was a little hasty in saying what I was saying. So what he could have said was, guess what? I don't spank my kids because this is what I do in my house. Now that would have been the better thorough answer that he could have gave versus being vague.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

You can be friends with your kids. It's up to you. When they're a child or when they're an adult. Can't be both. You gotta make your decision when you gonna be friends with them. When they're a child or when they're an adult. I got grown kids, Speak Rox got grown kids. We are the relationship changed. We it's a more friendly relationship, more of a friendship of a type of relationship. But it didn't start that way. It didn't start that way.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

If I may, let's touch on something else that he spoke on, and and let's let's see if we can add value to this, right? As in saying you should be a better communicator or you should learn how to communicate better. So it basically challenging the person saying, hey, obviously you don't speak to your children. So this is why you think you need to result in chastising, okay? Or the physical aspect of chastising because you can chastise somebody verbally as well. So my thing is let's talk about. I'm gonna give a scenario, and I want us to conceptualize and I want us to see if there's any kind of relationship in there, and I want us to judge if it's right or wrong. Okay. Let's take the animal kingdom. Now, let me preface my comments by saying this. I know we are supposed to be human beings of a higher intellect, right? We supposed to be our brain processes are supposed to be of a higher level than those of in the animal kingdom. Let's just take the lion pride. And I've seen the female lion or the male lion SWAT at the lion cub. We spoke about canines, dogs. I've seen them snap and growl at the puppy. Whoa, hold up now. Hold up. So so I'm just saying, we like to say that animals are intelligent. Yeah. Animals know. Right. So if the animal is so intelligent, why they just not whimpering and growling and making noises, communicating that way verbally. We can't say that they don't. So why aren't they just doing that? So does that make that lion, full-grown adult lion, a bad parent because they snapped or slapped at their cubs? I'm just, I'm just asking the question. So maybe there's a reason why they're doing that. Maybe there's a props because every video I've ever seen in the animal kingdom, they always say that's that lion chastising and correcting the cubs, teaching them. Because they had to physically do something to them for them to understand. And we're talking about in their world, it's a matter of life and death. If they don't learn lessons quickly, it's a matter of life or death in the jungle. So all I'm saying is, let's go ahead and critically think about this then. So if we're telling every adult that chooses to use the method of spanking their child that you're gonna lose a friend, you're gonna lose a loved one, and you're gonna do this. See, that's why I'm saying his comment was so vague and so he he broad stroked the question with a simplistic answer, and it accomplished one of two things. He either confused the matter or it sparked conversation that you and I are having. I'm I'm asking you, what do you think? Is my analogy too far off, or is it making some sense here?

SPEAKER_03 6:14

It's making a it's making a lot of sense. And to even further and even solidify what you're saying, I'm gonna play this video right here. That's gonna, that's gonna bring it into the human realm. Speak Rock gave a great analogy of in the animal realm. I'm gonna take it one step further.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

So if my daddy was here, I probably wouldn't be, I probably wouldn't have gotten a liquor trouble my whole life. Right. Because I knew anything I did, I used to think, if I do this, my daddy's gonna tell my Absolutely. You know a healthy. I knew what I could do on this little lady, my mama. Right. I knew how she was gonna do nothing, put me in the corner and make me write lines. Right. I knew that. I knew I knew what I can do to her, what I can get away with. Right. But that discipline, if you don't have that, a child has got more smarts than you think he got. Facts. So I hope, bruh. And when my daddy passed, I was all out the box. Yeah. I ain't I don't wanna come home. You can't tell, because I know what's coming behind me.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

He knew what he could do to his mama. He knew it. That's why a lot of these, a lot of times, women, you like, why does he, why does he act like this towards me and not towards because he knows what he can get away with to you. And you can yell and scream and make them write lines and complain all you want to. Until he is afraid of somebody and what's gonna come behind what he does, he's not gonna stop doing what he does. See, that's that's the little, that's the nuance, and that's the thing that Mr. Marlon ain't talking about. If all you do is talk, at some point, I don't care. That don't bother me no more. Boosie said it. If his father was still alive, I probably wouldn't have got in no trouble. I rest my case. So yeah, I think what Marlon said is it sounds good. And he's a and he's a public figure, he's a he wants to keep getting roles, he wants to keep doing movies, he wants to keep doing TV shows. So what he said sounds good. But we don't need that. We don't need what sounds good. We need what is good. What's good, what's good for your son, what's good for your daughter. That's why we're having this conversation today. And coming from someone like Bootsy, who's got in all kind of trouble, I think, I think what he's saying is is is pretty is pretty relevant. I want to ask this question to you, Speak Rod. Do you think as a father, you can discipline your son or daughter without spanking them? Ever. Do you think that's something that can be done or even should be done?

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Absolutely. Absolutely. I would say this to answer the question directly, yes, you can. You can raise your children into adulthood without spanking them. Yes, you can. It can be done. So is your child listening during the critical times? Can you raise your child without spanking them? Yeah, absolutely. It just depends on how well your child listens. Now, now here's the thing. To go back to what Marlon said, what he would say is, well, just communicate with your child. Just talk. For some children that will work, and some children that's not going to work. Some children, you can look at them. I have three daughters. One of my daughters, if I talk to her, she's crying. It ain't, it's not an if and or but. It's not if she's gonna cry, she gonna cry. The other two, they be alright. They they might get emotional, they may feel something, but the tears not coming down their eyes. Not especially as they've gotten older. My other one, it's water works all the times. So that shows you the variance in between your children. So with her, I may not even have to spank because my words hit home and she processed and digested it. The other two, hey, look, like 50 said, get the strap. Yeah. They ain't listening. Right, right. They heard me, but they ain't taking no heed to it.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

And in their mind, even at a young age, they computing, okay, as you're talking to them, they're they're like a calculator. They like, all right, I hear what he said. This is the severity, it seems like it would have happened. But what if I don't get caught? See, the possibility of him catching me, and even if I do get caught, how severe is the punishment gonna be? Yep. Hey, I could take that one. They adding it all up. They adding it all up. So all I'm saying is, what he's talking about, could you do it? Yes, it can be done. However, it all depends on your child.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

You took the words right out of my mouth. We went out to dinner on Monday, and all my kids were there. And I don't know how the subject came up. They started talking about them getting whoopings. And I'm I've speaked rock. They stay, they started talking about whoopings they got. I you don't even remember. Like, I don't I don't remember doing that. I don't remember doing that, but you do remember the times, each child that you just had to. As a father, you'd be like, I remember the time that you had to get a whoop because you this or this happened. And that's exactly what Speak Rock just said. It depends on the child. It depends on my oldest son. I can only remember whooping him maybe once, twice, once or twice. My oldest daughter, what she calls whooping, whatever. You know what I mean? I'm like, whatever, girl. A little spanky. For your youngest daughter, talking to is as good as a whooping. So it all depends, and that's what I want dads, new dads to understand. You're a teacher, you're a coach, you're an educator, motivator, a psychologist, therapist, you know all that. And you've got to know what buttons to push. That's what Mr. Marlin should have said. Being a dad, you gotta know what buttons to push. Who needs what when. Not just as far as discipline, but as far as motivation too. How do you motivate this kid to do what they need to be, what you think that they can do? My oldest son texted me the other day and was like, man, I just I feel like my life is not where it should be. And I'm like, what do you mean? He was like, I'm like, well, you mean your job? What do you mean? He's like, just everything, man. Now, as a dad, I could, I'm like, well, I know what you should be doing, but you're not doing it to the level I feel like you could be doing it. So I could go hard, like, hey, man, what the f get on him, tough, or I could just give him some motivation. But knowing who you're talking to, I knew who I was talking to, and I just told him, hey man, stop comparing yourself to other people. You stop comparing yourself. You're looking at this guy, this guy doing this. No. Only thing you can compare yourself to is you. How you were doing six months back, a year from a year ago. And I asked him, didn't you apply to go back to school? He was like, Yeah, it starts on the 25th. I said, Great, go, go. There, you can meet a lot of people, new people that are doing the same thing that you are. When he said communication, like Speaker, I said, you just know how to communicate better. That's just some broad thing to say. No, you gotta know who you're talking to and how can I get through to them the best way.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah, but I think we're breaking it down. Check this out, though. And I feel like since we've been having this conversation, you and I both we had on our intellectual hats, and I'm speaking as Speak Rock, and I love it. However, right now, I must ask you to allow me some time to speak like rock. Cause here's the reality. Here's the first slightly harsh but direct thing that's needed right now. Jails and prisons are full of people who just got spoken to. Yes, sir. Guess what? I didn't lose a friend. Man, look here. If you spank your child and your worry is that they're not gonna be your friend as a grown adult, guess what? They ain't wanna be your friend in the first place. What are we talking about? That that two-year-old, three-year-old, eight-year-old, 15-year-old, they never liked you anyway. What are we talking about, man? I don't know nobody who 10 wanna be the friend of a 30-year-old. Man, right. What? Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, man. Stop with this. Look, I understand caring for you and loving you. They frontal lobe is developed. They 10. How many friends they done lost from 10 by the time they hit 25? Stop it. They didn't want to be your friend anyway. So you're gonna forego putting them on the right path with a spanking, all because you a grown-tailed adult and you wanna hedge your bets that by the time they turn 20, they your friend. Stop it. It was an era, it was a time that we came up in. Now let me make it a little bit more personal. My grandfather, he's the most man I've ever met in my life from Mississippi with a sixth-grade education. He beat the brakes off me to keep me on the straight and narrow. No, we gotta we gotta laugh to keep from crying. I did not like it at the time that it was happening. He didn't beat me just because he was abusing me. He that's what he knew to keep me straight. Watch this. I'm not making any concessions for what he did. But guess what? I'm not damning him either. Why? Cause I'm a grown man. I'm not sitting back living my life angry at this man. Watch this now. I'm about to give your audience some food for thought. This man took me in his household because his eldest daughter was murdered. Guess who that was? That was my mother. That man, as a grandfather, could have left me to the system. I could have bounced around from foster home to foster home. I could have been in all sorts of situations by the state. I literally could have been a ward of the state. But that man said, what? My kids are grown. My daughter has died. I'm gonna take in a grandson. What do I know about raising a grandchild? So he raised me in a manner in which the only way he knew, there's not a day I go by that I'm not thankful that that man took me into his house and did for me that no other adult could ever do. I revere, honor, and I respect that man. I wish I would, as a 53-year-old man, go around dragging my grandfather's name through the mud. I'm sorry, man. We gotta add context. Yes. I gotta say this to people. Grow up, people. Grow up and become an adult. Every little slight that happens to you is not something that you can walk around with a like with something on your chest, like I'm not gonna be your friend. Please grow up. Prisons are full of people who are sitting here still hating people because somebody took the time to correct them on their behavior. And the best thing they can do is say, Well, I'm not your friend. Are you three or 53? Which one is it? Alright, I'm done being mean right now.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

No, man, we I love it, man. I love it. And I I really hope that people get this far in the video and hear what you just said because it's true. It's 100% true. Jump on top of that real quick. Absolutely. I thought about this one time at work. The only time that I heard my father cry is after he had to give my oldest brother a spank, a whooping. It was the worst sound that I ever heard in my life. Wow. For real. It was the worst sound I ever heard in my life. I didn't know what the hell. I knew he was crying, I knew. But the reason why he had to spank him like that that one time is because my mother wouldn't let him discipline him before. Hey man, I love my mother. But she messed up doing that. He wanted to wanted to discipline him. He wanted to make him go to like a military school. He wanted to wanted to do all these things, but she wouldn't let him do it. Where he's at right now. The same place Speak Rock said when he first started talking. Pris serving 53 years. If you think not disciplining your child, depending on, like Speak Rock said, what kind of child they are and how they listen, if you think you don't have to do whatever you have to do to make them understand what you're saying and your word is born, that's where your son is gonna end up. Or maybe even worse. Or maybe even worse. I don't want to take that chance to do that. So it could be my son's mother, my his grandmother. I seen it. I seen, I seen it. When I seen him saying this crap, I'm like, man, you could go tell that to somebody else. And I'm willing to bet you, Marlon, your brothers don't agree with what you said. I'm willing to bet not everyone in your brothers agree wholeheartedly to what your soft stance on discipline. I bet you they don't. So yeah, we're keeping it real. We're having the conversations that you need to have as a father. Because I know, I know it's popular, I know it's popular to listen to everybody tell you you're being too hard on him. You shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that. What if the school says something? What okay, so when he gets in trouble and gets thrown out of school, who the hell you think they're gonna call? You. Who that who you think they're gonna blame for him not being able to listen and fighting other kids and doing this of this stuff? You.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

They're gonna blame you. Can we just add this other context for those who just hear half of whatever they want to hear? Because there's always somebody out there. They're just gonna hear the fraction of what they want to hear. We are speaking about spankings when needed. We are not advocating or making a case for abusers. We are not talking about the people that's neglecting their children, beating on them with their fists, kicking them down a flight of stairs, beating on them with objects that should never. We are not talking about abusers. We are not talking about people that are beating their children, abusing their children, physically, damaging them, borderline crippling them if they're not crippling them. Yeah. We are not talking about those idiots. Those people, they need something bad needs to happen to those people, and I said it. I said it.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

I 100% agree. We are not talking about child abuse. So if you if that's what you want to hear, no matter what we say, then this isn't the place for you. What we're talking about, what Speak Rock said so eloquently and so vividly, is that it depends on the child. He said it. Yeah, you can raise your child without spanking them. That depends on them. Just like I said, LeVar Ball said, hey, I can be whatever kind of dad you want me to be. That depends on you. You want to be hard headed, you want to be disrespectful, you wanna, you wanna uh cross the line, then I gotta get you. Because if I don't, the world is. See, that's what that's what all you gentle parents and all you people who are against whooping, that's what all you don't understand. If you don't, the world will, and the world don't. It don't care. It don't care. It's gonna put your f their foot on your neck and make you surrender. Is that what you is that what you want for your child? I want to show you this last video because this is what being a friend to your child would look like.

SPEAKER_05 22:31

That's what you wanted. You said a hamburger.

SPEAKER_06 22:38

Wait, what did you want?

SPEAKER_05 22:51

I don't know what you're saying. What's a hamburger?

SPEAKER_06 23:04

Just what at a pit ball? It's not a hamburger. I did not eat this close hamburger. Why you didn't even try it yet?

SPEAKER_04 23:22

Why don't you try it?

SPEAKER_03 23:35

That's what you get when you try to be your kid's friend. The first time I seen that video, I'm like, are these even his parents? They just babysitting him? But I'm like, I watched it three or four times. I'm like, no, that's his parents. His mother looks clueless. She just looks clueless, like she she has no idea what's going on. His father is one of those fathers. Instead of calling him his name, he calls him buddy. You're not his friend. And I and and I'm a pretty lenient dad. I would have gave you all the way up to when you pushed the food away and you said you're not eating it. But when you start screaming and saying what you're not gonna do, that's it. You can go to your room and you can sit your little butt in there. You don't have to eat a thing, but you're not gonna. My kids wouldn't do that. But that's what you get. That's what you want, Marlin? That's what you want? Because that's what you're gonna get for being your child's friend. I want to say this for before I forget. That boy waited all day to do that. He could not wait to have his moment. I don't know no kid who wants lettuce and tomato on a sandwich. And maybe somewhere and somewhere some kid does. But I can tell you from I'm an OG daddy. I could tell you that little boy, he waited all day for his moment to act in ass. And you let him do it. And you let him do it, dad. Because his mother, she just, she's standing there with her hand over her mouth. She she can't believe it. But yeah, he waited all day. He couldn't wait until he got his moment. And maybe he was having a bad day. We all do. But that's not the way you're gonna do it in my house. And any father who wants to to have a son who can function in this world wouldn't let that go either. Well, what do you think, SpeedRock?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Well, I'm gonna get to it real quick. What I think is the video was problematic on all levels. First of all, to record and distribute that video for public consumption is problematic. Yeah. The fact that you even wanted that video to be shown to the masses is problematic. That's number one. Yeah. Number two, the other issue I have with that video is the parents. Not for reasons people may think, but for the reason this, for the future. Those parents are basically showing you this how we do with ours, and this how he gets his way. Yeah. And we okay with it. Yeah. Basically, what they showing the world is little Timmy, we okay with him acting out like this. So be it third, fourth, fifth grade, sixth, seventh, eighth grade, ninth through twelfth college, this is the behavior we expect for him to have. We okay with it. So y'all better be okay with it. No, this is problematic. And I want prove me wrong. You got a bunch of frat boys right now that look just like that little kid. Yeah. They will lose their scruples if things aren't done in a manner in which they see fit. Then your local community communities, guess who they are? That little kid is a law enforcement officer somewhere. That little kid, and guess what? His parents of an older age, they sitting there like, yeah, that's how you do it. He's been like that his whole life. See, this enabling behavior, and again, it's the fact look, if this was just for your household, this how you do, hey, that's how y'all do. But since you made it for public consumption, come on now. You you made it for public consumption. You're letting me know I don't care what the world thinks of how we deal with our children. So, in other words, you're basically saying, we okay this behavior. Yeah. So it's I'm gonna be honest with you. It's not so much the kid that's disturbing me. Right. It's the parents that is okaying it.

SPEAKER_03 27:36

Yeah. No, no, no, you you're right. None of this starts just overnight, like it just flips on, like, no. This you you grow up this way. You you grow up this way. I'm the man I am today because the way I was raised. You're the man you are today because you were the way you were raised. If you get anything from this video, you get that. You are who you are because the way you were raised.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Bro, no matter who this. If your mother and father can't chastise you, how in the world are you gonna grow up believing that anybody else can?

SPEAKER_03 28:11

And and but we're gonna end it on that. We're gonna end it on that. If your mother and father cannot chastise you, who in the hell do you, Marlon Wayne's or whoever, think who else is gonna be able to do? Nobody. Nobody. I know that for a fact. I know you've seen it, and I've seen it. This is Feel Better Daz. I wanna thank my guest Speak Rock for having this conversation with me, man. This was this was good, man. This was good.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Just like it always is, and we out of here. Peace.