“Signs of Depression in Men That Look Like ‘Just Tired’”

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Dizzy is the most respected hiding place as a man. Most men with depression don't look sad. They look angry. They look busy. So we never call it depression. We just call it being tired. Today I'm walking you through seven signs of depression that most of us have been calling just tired for years. And by the end, you're gonna know which ones are just normal stress and which ones and what actually to do next without making a big production. Working Dash, let me ask you a question. When's the last time you had a day off and woke up rested? If you had to think about it, stay with me. I can remember a time when I officially filed for bankruptcy. It was the second go-around. The money started being deducted from my account. At first, there was it was a lower amount that I could like, okay, cool, I can manage this. And then they was like, no, the calculations were wrong. Your payments are gonna go up. It went up a couple hundred dollars, and it was harder to manage. And at the time, I wasn't getting a whole lot of overtime. A lot of times, all I could do is just barely pay the bills and maybe have like $100 left or something like that. When you are the provider and the person that's supposed to be taking care of things, no matter what people say, that's where you looked at as the man. So when you don't have extra money to do this, and now you got to turn to your wife for certain things, it really weighs on you. And it really causes you extra stress. And it really makes you depressed because you want to do what needs to be done, but you have this huge obligation that you have to take care of. And it's not just for a couple weeks, it can be for three years, and it can be up, like in my case, five years. Nobody calls that depression. They'll say he's still working, he's still paying bills, he's still showing up. That's the problem. Men can still be depressed and still function. So nobody checks on us, including us. The number one sign is a short fuse. A common trait in men with depression. You're real irritable. The grumpy guy. An example, your kid pours a glass of juice and then he drops it on the floor after school and you snap on him. So sometimes that's not a real big deal. You know, he's a kid, he's clumsy, makes a mistake, and you bite his head off. You gotta look around. Was that really Carl? If you're constantly doing stuff like that, that's one of the signs. Because a lot of men don't look sad. We don't look sad. When people say depression, they think, oh, you know, you asked. No, we look mad. We're angry, tired, and sleep doesn't fix it. I can remember a time when I was working further than I work now. It was 20, 30 minutes away. And I was driving to work, and then it just came over me. I just started crying. I was depressed. I was doing what I was supposed to do as a father, as a husband, as a man, but I wasn't doing anything I wanted to do. So you just get that feeling where no matter how much sleep you get, you're still tired. So if a day off doesn't fix it, a vacation, a few days off personal day doesn't fix you being tired all the time, it isn't you just being tired. Nothing feels good anymore. So nothing, the things you like to do, it could be going fishing, it could be going to the games you like to go to, nothing feels good anymore. It doesn't feel like it used to feel. So you go there, you go to the game, you go to the event that you want to go to, but you're you're there, but you're not really there. That's a sign. The number four sign, hiding in your work. The guy who's failing at home, so he puts all of his effort and into work. Is that you? Only you know. Because you disguise it as this overachiever, or are you just depressed? Number five, needing something to shut your mind off. I'm not talking about guys who like, you know, you like a beer, whatever, just to, you know, just to relax. No, I'm talking about you need something to shut off. You need things to shut yourself off so you don't have to deal with what's really going on. If you need something every night or every morning, if you work third shift like me, to turn your mind off, pay attention to that. The sixth sign, pulling away. So you stop calling your boys, your number one guy that you've been knowing for eight years and years, you don't talk to him no more. Stop, start giving your wife one-word answers, not paying really attention to your kids, pulling away. And just trying to say, I need space. Because isolation feels like peace, but it is sign seven, your body starts talking to you. So headaches, stomach pains, chest pains, back pains. Many men, we go to the doctor for symptoms we have, but we don't go about how we feel because we think that's being weak or that's just something we can get over. But no, your body is going to start talking to you, and you've got to pay attention to it. If these things aren't going away, yes, go to the doctor. Don't just tell them about the symptoms you have, and also tell them how you feel, what you've been going through, so you can get the proper help. Because sometimes your body says what your mouth won't. Listen, everybody has a bad week. So one of these signs doesn't mean that you're depressed. If several of these have been hanging around most days or for a couple of weeks, that's just not a bad week. That's something to take seriously. Why this matters? Because your kids can feel it before you can name it. Like I always say, it's not what you say, it's what you do. It's going to show them the wrong way to handle things when these things might happen to them. Your son isn't just learning how to work for me, he's also learning what a man does when he's hurting. If all he sees is silence, then silence is what he will inherit. And breaking the cycle doesn't take some big speech. All it takes is going first, telling your son one true thing about your day. So if you saw yourself in this, here's what I want you to do. Three things, nothing dramatic. Tell one person. Tell one person what's going on. Tell them, hey, I haven't been feeling the same lately. It doesn't matter if it's your wife, your brother, your best friend, tell one person. Number two, talk to your doctor. Tell her, hey, no matter how much I sleep, I feel like I'm still tired, I'm real irritable with my kids. Things that I used to like to do, they just not the same. And if it's darker than that, if you got feelings about not being here, not wanting to be here, call or text right now, 988. That's not being weak. That's not being soft. That's not none of that. That's wanting to be here for your kids. That's the most manly thing you could ever do. I'm a dad. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not here to diagnose. I'm just here to tell you you don't have to carry this alone. And next Sunday, I'm going to be talking about why so many of our sons, our teenage sons, our adolescent sons, aren't talking to us and how to get them back. But here's one thing I'll ask today. Think of one person that you know. It could be your brother, a coworker, a friend that just went dark, that you don't hear from anymore and send them this video. You don't have to say anything, just send it. This is Bill Better Dads, and I'll see you next Sun Peace.