When Your Teenage Son Stops Talking To You

You're supposed to be your son's lawyer, not his prosecutor. If your son used to talk your ear off, but now all he gives you is I'm fine, nothing, I don't know. Today I'm gonna give you five reasons he stopped talking to you and how to get him back, starting today. Working dads, when's the last time your son told you something without you having to pull it out of him? Because your son didn't stop talking, he stopped talking to you. I can remember a time when I was in my late teens, 18, 19 years old, and my dad he told me, just focus on school, I'll give you a weekly allowance. And in the beginning, it was great. As I got older, almost graduating, then graduating high school, I wanted my own money. I didn't want to have to ask him every Sunday or whenever I could catch up with him to give me money so I could make it throughout the week. And I was like, man, I want to get a job. He was like, no, just focus on school, just focus on school. And that kind of like drove a wedge in between me and him because I'm like, hey, you're not really listening to me. Made me not speak to him. I know how it feels on both ends, as a teenager and as the father. Now, look, some of this is normal. He's growing up, he's gonna pull away, he's gonna have his own friends, he's gonna want his privacy. He's gonna think maybe you're not as cool as you think you are at some times. But pulling away is normal, but shutting down isn't. And these are the five reasons that he might be doing that. Number one, every talk turns into a lecture, every talk turns into some long lecture about how he's not doing things right, how you did things, how you had to walk 40 miles to school. Every talk turns into a lecture. And every talk, you're talking at him and not to him. Who wants to listen to that? When you put yourself in his shoes, when you were a teenager, did you want to get lectured all the time? You get lectured at school. You come home, you get lectured. Nobody wants to get lectured to all the time. Yeah, having conversations, having somebody you can talk to who understands, yes. But listening to a lecture every time it's time to talk, no. Number two, you only talk to him when he's in trouble. He only hears from you when he's done something wrong. That's it. Don't be that dad. That every time you talk to your son, you're getting on him. It's never, he never does anything good. That goes for mothers, too. Every time you talk to your son, he's doing something wrong. No one wants to hear that. No boy, no teenager, no man wants to hear that every time the person who says they care about me, the only time I hear from them is when I'm doing something wrong. Don't be that guy. Number three, he's scared on how you're gonna react. He sees how you react to everything else. Somebody loses something, you go off. Somebody's late to school or something. You explode about everything. So why would he want to talk to you when he has a problem? You're a ticking timer. Like I always say, you're supposed to be his lawyer, not his prosecutor. The prosecutor, they'll hang you out to dry. Number four, you sit him down for a talk. So whenever you do talk to him, you sit him down for a talk. That's not a conversation. That's like an interrogation. That's like when somebody tells you, Oh, uh, I need to talk to you. Does that ever go well? Do you ever want to have that conversation when somebody says, Oh, yeah, I need to talk to you? Make him feel comfortable that he can have a conversation. That he, you don't have to sit him down. He comes to you. You know, you know, you might be chilling in your room. Come, hey, dad, let me talk to you. Can I talk to you? Yeah, what's up? Number five, you never go first. You never tell him about the things, the mistakes that you made. A lot of dads tell about how great they were. You know, they give all the highlights, they don't give none of the lowlights. I can remember a time my father he told me about how he used to get paid and he used to spend all his money. He all his money would be gone like in a couple days. Man, okay, I can relate to that. Where are the lowlights? What do you tell him about any of the things that you done that weren't so great? So he can relate to you. Like I said last week, it starts with you telling him one true thing. So it's easier for him to talk to you. So, how to get him back? Four things, nothing dramatic. Number one, take him with you. Take him with you to, you know, go get gas or go when you make the the run to go get the takeout food. Take him when you guys, you know, you guys can talk, you can chop it up. You might not want to talk at home. Stop asking him how was school. Ask him something he can give you an answer to. School's fine, school's good. Ask him what's the funniest thing that happened at school, who got in trouble today. Ask him something you can get an answer to instead of asking, you know, the answer. Number three, go first. Tell him something that you went through in you know in school. Keep it short, don't make a whole long story about it, bore him to death, but tell him about something that you know that that you think that might be relevant to him, something that he might think is funny, or something that he might have more questions about. Go first. And number four, the big one, don't blow up. Even if he tells you something you don't want to hear, or that you don't like, or that's something that could possibly get him in trouble, that or that's already got him in trouble. Tell him, man, thanks for telling me. Because I had a real trouble with my son a few years ago. He just, when it was time to tell me something, he would lie. When he finally got in trouble, he would lie about whatever happened. And you don't want that, you don't want that, because that just compounds the problem. So don't blow up, tell him, hey, whatever it is, hey, look, I'm not happy with what you did, I'm not happy with this situation, but I'm glad that you told me. Because trust me, him lying or him trying to him, him not saying anything, not talking to you, is even worse. Because how you react the first time decides if there is a second time, and it's not big talk, five, ten minutes every day. That's how you get them back. Now, listen, if he's just not quiet with you, if he's pulling away from everybody, if his grades are dropping, trying to be isolated, even saying things about not wanting to be here anymore. That's just not a talking problem. Talk to a doctor, talk to the school counselor, and if he's talking about dangering himself, call 988 right now. Last week I did a video about the seven signs of depression, and our sons carry that weight too. I'll put that video right here. If you want to talk about this with other dads who've been through it too, or other things, if you got other things on your mind, the Facebook group is in the description. That's the place where we're working this all out. This is Bill BetterDaz, and I'll see you next Sunday. Peace.