Your Kid Will Fail. What They Hear Next Changes Everything

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Working dads, when your child fails, what do they hear from you? Do they hear this? I know you weren't ready. Why can't you get this right? Maybe this isn't for you. Or do they hear that didn't work? What did we learn from this? And let's get ready for the next opportunity so we are ready. Because there are gonna be moments when your child doesn't have enough confidence on their own and they're gonna need yours. I saw this baseball moment recently that shows exactly what I mean. Let's check it out.

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You don't see it in the big leagues very often where a manager comes out and all those years is an elite college coach. Means a lot. And as you know, he appreciated that.

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What got me about that moment wasn't just that Luis Laura came through. Earlier in that game, the same situation came up. Bases loaded, he's up to bat, he struck out. Bases loaded, same situation. A big moment. Could put his team up a few runs. If he hit a homer, four runs, but he struck out. So now, in the 10th inning, to win the game, he goes up to bat and his coach pulls him to the side and does what a what a great coach, what a great parent should do. You gotta know the moments when to have a talk, listen, strategize together. This kid is a great player, 21 years old, a great outfitter. He's got an incredible glove. He's good at the play, too. So he knew now it's time to give him some love. To let him know, hey man, you can do this. Forget about what happened earlier, just make contact with the ball. The very first pitch, walk-off game winner. You couldn't write it better for a movie because one bad result doesn't automatically tell you what you're capable of. But that's what our job is to instill into our children. That just because one thing happens to you, that doesn't mean that you can't be successful. Failure is just information. One day, Carter, Riley, your children are gonna have their own basis loaded moment. It probably won't be in baseball, but it could be at school, it could be once they get a job, it could be in a relationship, in a moment with their friends where they need to make a decision that is very important. Do we teach them because they failed that they're failures, or do we teach them that it's information? You made a mistake, things didn't go the way you wanted to, so you gather that information and you use it the next time something happens like this or similar. That's what we need to teach them about failure. That's what we need to do when it comes to being a father. We need to be coaches to our children and help them get through the game of life. So I start thinking, what do great coaches and intentional fathers both have in common? And I came back with these five things. Number one, they see potential. Number two, they praise the process. Number three, they correct without crushing identity. Number four, they let kids struggle. So eventually, that helps them build enough confidence so dad doesn't have to stand beside them and say, you can do it. They already know they can do it because they've gone through those four things. And that fifth thing is just letting them realize that you can do it now. Now you can do it. You can do it on your own. The training wheels are off, but you have to you have to do those first four to even get to that fifth thing. Seeing potential without putting a label on it. So, fathers, that's what we do. If you're a good dad, you know, you see potential, you see traits, you see things in each individual child. Every child is different. You see traits, you see abilities, you see skills, but you don't want to put a label on those things. You want to let those skills develop. You want to praise effort, you want to praise the process, not just saying, not just giving stuff a label. Oh, you're a great this, you're a great shooter, you're smart. No, let praise the effort, make them work. That's that's what that's what you gotta do. Don't give things labels, praise the process. The second lesson: praise effort, strategy, and improvement. If you just rely on your ability, there's always somebody better than you, but do they work as hard as you? Do they work as smart as you trying to figure out how to be better? Do they want to improve? So, praise effort, strategy, and improvement. That's the second lesson. Third lesson is great coaches correct the process, not the person. So instead of attacking the person, you correct what they did wrong. You don't say a coach doesn't say, oh, you're a lazy player. No, that play was lazy. You made a lazy effort on that play. So that way they know, hey, you you care about me, you just don't like what I did right there. That's what father should do. You don't say, Oh man, you you just messy, you, you, you're nasty, you you can't you can't keep anything clean. No, this room is messy. This room is nasty, and you're not keeping it clean. There's a difference in the two. So you correct the process, not the person. Correct what they do without turning it into what they are. A few years ago, when Carter was in the first or second grade, he was having troubles, he was having trouble reading. His reading wasn't up to level. That's a serious situation. But I knew that he could do this. I knew he could, I knew he could be a better reader. It doesn't matter if no one else believes in them, dads, you need to believe in them. Because, and a lot of times you gotta think back to when you were a kid and draw on that as an inspiration. Because when I was younger, I remember my dad just harped on being a good student. Well, soon after that, him and my mother split up, they divorced. And once that happened, so went me being one of the best students in the first grade, second, third grade. Man, for years and years, I was but you know, average or below average student. Because the person who believed in me and who wanted me to be this good student wasn't around like he used to be. So now when I saw my son kind of going through the same thing, I was like, nope, I'm not gonna do this. We're not gonna do this. I know you can do this. I worked with him as much as I could, I probably could have done more, but right now he can read above grade level. Now, is he the best student? Does he need work in other areas? But reading's not a problem anymore. That shows how much our belief in our sons, in our daughters, means. I saw this one interview with a WNBA player, and she said, you know what fathers do? They make you think you can do anything. The fourth lesson: do not rescue them from everything. You heard my last story. You you heard the story about Carter not being a great reader. I could have been like, oh, it's the school's fault. Oh, it's the teacher's fault. Let's get them out of this school. It's, you know, no, it don't matter where you go, you need to be reading at your grade level, no matter where you go. So forget blaming it on everybody else. Forget trying to rescue him and point fingers at everyone. No, we gotta work at this and show him that it's important, that that it's important, and that he can do it. And you cannot rescue them from things that they need to go through. You cannot save your kids from everything. Let them struggle, let them see that they can make it, that they can be successful without your help. The fifth lesson: belief should sound like expectations, not bladder. It shouldn't be you were good, but it's not your fault. It was the coach's fault. It was the ref's fault. If that that call is the reason why you lost the game. Or your teacher, you don't you're not a bad student. It's the it's the teachers at that school. No. Belief is expectations. I I need you to be a good student no matter where you are. I need you to play the right way, be a good teammate, to be a good player, no matter what the calls the referee makes. Belief is expectations, not flattery. Because real belief tells the truth but leaves the door open for growth. So I'm gonna ask you a question, Dads. Think about the people who believed in you. Who saw something in you before you did? Was it a teacher, a coach, your dad, your mom, your grandfather, your grandmother, a mentor? Who was the person who believed in you before you believed in yourself? Everybody's got somebody. You might have a couple people at different stages of your life. Think about them and how they changed your life. We need to be that dad slash coach that gives our children the inspiration to be better, to be the best version of themselves. What about the people who didn't believe in you? What did they say to you? That you're not gifted, you're slow, you're not a good athlete, you're not a good reader, you don't know how to do math, you won't ever graduate. So it's important that your voice is the strongest, the loudest, the biggest. Because you want your voice to be the voice they hear when they don't even believe in themselves. You want them to still hear your voice because coaches don't play the game for you. The games play on the field, on the court, on the track, in the ring, wherever. The coaches don't play the game for you, they just get you ready to play. Coaches don't play the game for you, they get you ready for the game. And when it's game time, it's up to you to go out there and win or do your best trying to win. That's what that's what you gotta understand as a father, and be willing to adapt to help your children, not hurt them. You gotta know when to push, adjust, and listen. That's what good great coaches know. They know what to say, they know what to do, and they know how to adjust, and then they know when to just listen. The process you want to get to in your child knowing that they can really succeed on their own is that first you want them to know that dad believes I can learn. That's number one. The second thing is they need to know what effort looks like. Third thing is they need to know how to take feedback. Fourth thing is I know how to adjust when something doesn't work. They are able to adjust when things don't work and not just give up entirely because they know how to adjust when things don't work. They don't give up on themselves, they just gave up on that thing and they kept it moving to something else. When I say believe in your kids, I don't mean telling them that they're special. I don't mean telling them that they can do anything without putting in the work in order to do it. That's not what I mean. What I mean is teaching them that abilities can grow, mistakes can be taught, listening matters, effort beats out ability. That's what I mean. I want you to think about your son or your daughter. What's one effort, habit, quality that you've seen them developing that you want to reinforce? Put that down in the comments. If there's anything, any topic, any video reaction you want me to do, this is the place where we have the conversations that nobody had with us that we wish we would have had 20 years ago. Now we can have them. So that information we can take back to our kids and let them not have to pay the tuition that we already paid. I'm out of here. Peace.